Remember the good old days (college, high school and even grammar school) when making friends was as easy as walking down your dorm hall or striking up a game of hopscotch with someone on the playground? When we were younger, we had lots of time to invest in friendships, and we were constantly surrounded by people our own age. I’m not saying that there were never any challenges with friendships during these times, but you’ve got to admit, it was a heck of a lot easier to make and even nurture friendships than it is as an adult.
I’ve also come to realize that our friendship needs back in those “glory” days were also simpler. And maybe that’s part of the reason why we become so frustrated when our search for friends as adults doesn’t go as smoothly…we forget that we aren’t really looking for friendships born out of sheer convenience, anymore. That’s just one of MANY things I learned while reading a great book, MWF Seeking BFF.
This read by Rachel Bertsche chronicles a year-long experiment the author did to really put herself out there and find some friends after moving to a new city to marry her boyfriend, leaving her best gal pals behind SEVERAL states away. She set out to go on 52 different “girl dates”, and she tried just about everything under the sun to meet new people and see what it takes to form meaningful connections with others as an adult.
It was certainly an ambitious project, and it started to become its own full-time job. While what Rachel did is not necessarily what everyone needs to do in order to find great friendships, it does point to the fact that hard work and interntionality does have to go into the search. And you have to thicken your skin a bit, too. Rachel does actually get dumped/rejected a few times by would-be friends, which of course, is a blow to the ego, and I think what most of us fear to the point that we doing put ourselves out there at all. But you know what? For the most part, Rachel found that other women are really and truly excited to be invited to lunch/dinner/whatever with someone new. Don’t you feel that way every time someone reaches out to you?! It takes some courage to be the one doing the reaching out, but the payoff is tremendous. Even if the friendship spark isn’t there after all, you’ll still walk away with an acquaitance and one more way to feel connected in your city, however loosely.
It won’t always work out, but if you are willing to be the one to make the first move, the odds are SO much better that you are going to form some good friendships than if you sit at home, feeling sad that nobody will call/text/email you with an invitation. As it turns out, those women you are wishing would call you might very well be sitting at home doing the same thing! Rachel says, “Most women I’ve met with are similar. We all think we’re living in a world of grouches, so we’re too self-conscious to be the overly friendly one” (177).Overall, I felt very encouraged by Rachel’s project to put myself out there more. There’s really very little to lose, especially if you can withstand the occasional bruise to the ego (some people are just not going to be that into you, I’m sorry to say). I have been motivated after reading the book to follow up on several, “We should get together” email exchanges I have had with other women in town as well as just reaching out to some ladies I have met briefly and thought, “She seems cool! I wish I could hang out with her sometime!”
MWF Seeking BFF is a really fun and encouraging read. I’ve definitely taken some steps in the right direction since reading it, and I find myself thinking about what worked and didn’t for her frequently, and putting those strategies to work in my own life. I’d say the time I spent reading the book was a very good investment, indeed!
Buy it!: Right now MWF Seeking BFF is priced at a steal for just $10.20 on Amazon! That’s less than a lunch date would set you back!
Win it!: One lucky Stuff Parents Need reader is going to win a copy of MWF Seeking BFF!
Be sure to enter my other current giveaways, found on the sidebar of my page.
Disclosure: I received a complimentary book for review purposes. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are strictly my own.
I try to join groups that I like with the same activities.
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People appreciate when you listen. I have made friends at our Group Church.
Thanks for the chance!
Be yourself! We’re not kids anymore. Don’t be scared that someone won’t accept you or like you. If they don’t, you’re an adult, time to admit they shouldn’t be in your life and that’s OKAY.
The best tip I’ve used, which is the hardest for me to follow, is to stop talking about myself. People appreciate when you listen and don’t have a self-pity party about little things going wrong.
i’ve met plenty of new people at the gym. we have common interests so it’s been working out well.
Invite new co-workers to go out for lunch.
Just striking up a convo!!! I once asked a mom about her awesome stroller… even though I truly had no interest in it. 🙂
I made new friends from joining an indoor soccer team.
Join groups of people whole like the same things you do. I have made friends by joining a card-making craft group.
So hopefully I’ll have some great tips after reading this book, because I got nothing! Since I don’t have a single friend (sad, I know) I can’t give out any advice for meeting women. I have, however, met other women by taking the baby to the park, but I was too shy to call them when they gave me their numbers! So get out of the house, go to the park, and play with the babies together, probably a great way to make friends.
I started a group for moms like me to find other moms who I could relate to 🙂
Go back to school! I took a just-for-fun class at the local junior college and met some nice people. (lots of adults go there)
Nice review. Sounds like an interesting read. Thanks for the giveaway. In the past I’ve used the personals to advertise for female friends (strictly on a platonic basis) to do things with. I’ve had some luck with this and made some decent friends.
I guess this is along the lines of putting yourself out there, but I would say that you shouldn’t worry about how long it’s been since you last spoke to/got together with someone…don’t be afraid to just call/e-mail when you can. I sometimes feel bad about going too long without contacting a friend and I worry that they will think badly of me because it’s been so long. Does that make sense? In reality I think we are all just glad that somebody wants to do something with us no matter how long it’s been!
Move out of your comfort zone and don’t pre-judge people.
I have always been on the slightly introverted side of the personality spectrum… But I have found that if I just jump in and be radiant (be kind, generous, respectful, etc) people gravitate towards me and after some conversations turn into friends. After that, I make it a point to do something with that person on occassion… Like going for a coffee and getting caught up, meeting at a book store and browsing the aisles, going to a hockey game, etc. Finding something that we enjoy in common and making the time and effort to do it! You have to put yourself out there.
This is kinda weird timing since my BFF moved from MD where i am to Alaska recently. But.. I was an army brat and wife and moved all the time so it’s fairly easy for me. I usually make friends through work or parties-those women’s parties like Tupperware or Pampered Chef. I am fairly outgoing and very friendly to everyone. The best way I guess is to be yourself and be NICE and POLITE to people you meet. Others really appreciate that.
take classes with your kids and just talking to moms about their kids and invite them over. Its scary to make the first move, but if you don’t it might not happen.
My tip is “Let the other person talk about themselves…don’t hog the conversation and make it all about you”
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thanks
Join religious groups with people your age, I’m in one now and meeting and getting to know new people better.
I volunteer, that was a great way to meet people that I have things in common with.
I get to know my kid’s friend’s parents by getting involved in my kid’s activities. This way I’m involved with my kids and make new friends at the same time.
get involved with your religious community it works
I like to find a common thread through music and faith. I feel that faith brings people closer so I always find that
thank you
tatertot3741@gmail.com
I like to compliment someone on their style choices, whether it’s something they’re wearing or something their little ones have on. I also like to gravitate towards women that are wives and mommies (that way I know that there are things that we can relate to each other on).
I try first at my son school the first days I go to the reunion , also at church i go to the person and said hi to them a talk a little bit .
I am by nature a loner, so I’ve struggled with the fact that sometimes I actually have be the one to start a conversation with someone, that I can’t always just sit quietly and wait for people to talk to me. I am getting better at making mom-talk, so my daughter and I are both meeting new people which is great for her because she doesn’t go to a brick and mortar school with other kids, and great for me because I’m a stay at home mom.
would NOT let put my user name vickiecouturier in the blanks on the form
I made friend on line ,,an met my husband on the internet an weve been together over 10 yrs
vlbelk(at)Hotmail.com
When I moved to my new town & house 4 years ago with a 4 month old daughter, I joined the local Mom group. We’ve made so many good friends through the group. dramaqueensmum@gmail.com
I volunteer at the school a lot and that helps, also in 4-h. I think just getting out more helps.
I find that most of my friends a meet at church or school functions.
I’ve made new friends by getting current friends to introduce me to some of the other people that they know, and like! My daughter started preschool this year and that has been another way to meet new people and start new relationships.
Go to places that your genuinely enjoy going to – people that other people might be, even a library if you like to go to libraries. That way you’re more likely to run into people who share one of your interests, and that increases the chance that you’ll have something to talk about.
lol, I had a couple of errors in the above. That should be “Go to places that you genuinely enjoy going to – places that other people might be”
I just strike up a conversation with a person that seems sane, I love talking to new people it’s so much fun. It can be about the weather or the late bus, but I always try to keep it positive.
This sounds like just the kind of book I need to read! I’m always so shy and nervous about meeting new people, and I shouldn’t be!
Oops… I forgot to leave my tip before pushing enter! I started taking my son to a Story Time group. To me it has been so much easier to make friends there because I know we have at least ONE thing in common… we’re all moms!
I have made friends by signing up for an online graft group. Some of the ladies lived in my town and we met “in real life”!
For me, making friends as a MOTHER was hard. None of my friends had children and I had to set out into the scary world of playgroups to meet new moms. Honestly, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND DON’T BE SCARED. I was the wallflower at many groups before I started making conversation with other moms: “wow, that’s a great diaper bag, where did you get it?” or “aw, she’s so cute — how old is she?” MOMS love talking about MOM STUFF, especially because we rarely have other adults to talk to. Once I started getting involved in the conversation, making friends was easy!