August is my birthday month, and I’m in plenty of good company, as summer and early fall are the busiest months of the year for maternity wards. Therefore, the odds are decent that you might be getting invited to a baby shower in the next month or two.

And based on recent trends, you might also be getting invited to a gender reveal party. Are you familiar with this concept? It’s an event where the parents learn if their baby is a boy or a girl, and they usually learn in a festive and fun way in front of all of the guests (by slicing a cake and the inside color is telling, or opening a box that has pink or blue balloons inside, etc.). These types of parties weren’t a thing even 5 years ago when I was last pregnant, but now they are a fairly common occurrence.

And yet, they are a bit of a head-scratcher to attendees because the jury is out over whether or not gifts need to be brought to a gender reveal party. I’ve actually never attended an event, but my understanding is that it’s not at all expected. If you are invited to a gender reveal party, then the couple simply wants to share an important moment of their lives with you.

With that said, though, the only time it’s considered rude to bring a gift to a gathering is when your invitation explicitly asks you not to do so. Otherwise, it’s always a very nice gesture! Here are a few perfect gift ideas for a gender reveal party (and a few to avoid). I hope they help you when your invitation arrives, because if you haven’t been to one yet, you will within the next few years!

Gifts to Avoid

Gender neutral stuff. If parents are having a gender reveal party, it’s a safe bet that they are interested in having their nursery filled with items in colors other than yellow and green. Take a pass on these items and keep reading if you aren’t sure what else to get when you don’t yet know the baby’s gender.

Newborn onesies. You may also be tempted to buy some white newborn onesies. These are not a good idea at a gender reveal party OR at a baby shower because babies outgrow them SO quickly (and some babies are born large enough to never even wear size newborn). Between consignment sales and hand me downs from family and friends, there is a 90% chance that the couple has more than plenty when it comes to newborn and even 0-3 month clothing, so just skip it.

Gifts to Bring

Diapers and Wipes. It makes no difference if the baby is a boy or a girl; either way, the parents are going to need some diapers and wipes! I picked up a great deal on a newborn set of Pampers diapers and well as Pampers wipes at Sam’s Club this week. Now through August 22 you can score $10 off the purchase of two Pampers or Luvs diapers or wipes items (you get $18 off if you go for 3 products). Any parent will appreciate having a head start on diapers and you will love getting such a great deal on them!

Good Advice. Since gender reveal parties don’t mandate gifts, you could certainly offer a different type of gift to the couple: helpful advice that has served you well as a parent. This could mean that you gift them your favorite parenting book (Parenting with Love and Logic is my pick!), or share your secret to reducing meal planning stress (eMeals is what I use), or just give some pro tips for making future trips to the store with kids less difficult (such of the importance of stocking up on diapers and wipes in advance!). For example, at Sam’s Club you can opt for free shipping on lots of items, including those Pampers or Luvs diapers and wipes that will be needed. No need to head off to the store at all!

If you forget to order in advance, you can opt for Club Pickup, which means your items will be waiting for you once you arrive at the club. Or if you are the kind who liked to go inside and shop, use the Sam’s Club Scan & Go app to scan the bar codes of the items you want while you shop, pay for your purchase through your phone, and completely skip the checkout line. I used it while shopping with my girls yesterday and LOVED it, especially because they were bickering with each other the entire time we were shopping. Mama needed to wrap up that trip fast! 🙂

They had to spend the last 7 minutes of store visit in silence. Stinkers!

Gift-Giving Etiquette One final thing to keep in mind is that since it is unlikely that every attendee will be bringing a gift, be sure to exercise some subtlety in your gift presentation. Options include waiting until the end of the party to bring in your gift from the car, or slipping the gift into a side room. If you’ve ever been to a party where someone brings a gift and that someone isn’t you, then you know how bad it feels to wonder if you made a faux pas! Be a good party guest and avoid passing on that feeling, if at all possible.

Have you ever been to a gender reveal party? Any other great ideas for useful gifts for the new parents? I’d love to hear!

I hope you find today’s guest post from Katherine Firestone of the Fireborn Institute to be as helpful as I did! Carry on, fellow parents of anxious children! 

School is hard enough without the added burden of anxiety. When you’re anxious, your IQ drops – you are incapable of thinking at your highest level. For example, if you are stressed out because one minute ago Sam said he was not going to be friends with you anymore, would you be able to concentrate on math? Or what happens when you are in the middle of a test and half the class has already turned their test in and you are on the first page of a three page test? It is difficult to stay focused and to avoid thinking, “What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I am going to fail this test…”

Anxiety and stress can come from lots of places: relationships, uncertainty, high stakes (or at least the perception of them), transitions, and perfectionism, to name a few.

So what can parents do help their children soothe their anxiety so they can be high achieving, popular, moral, and happy? Here are a few tips:

1. Avoid saying “Calm down.” Instead, validate feelings.

Usually when someone says “Calm down” it is with the best intentions and is sincere advice. However, the result is typically the exact opposite. Why does this happen? Because when you tell someone to calm down, you are not acknowledging their feelings as valid. So instead of saying “Calm down”, verbally recognize why your child might be so upset about losing her pretty pony that she is throwing a temper tantrum.

Things to say instead of “Calm down”:

• I’m so sorry you are feeling so stressed.
• What can I do to help?
• Tell me about how you are feeling.
• What do you need from me?

2. Teach your children to calm themselves down.

Start working on daily self-calming practice when your child isn’t stressed to make calming exercises a habit. When he is stressed, this practice will allow him to figure out how to de-stress on his own. Some good ideas for self-calming practice are:

• Meditating
• Belly breaths (for younger kids, put a stuffed animal on their stomach as they lie down and they can watch it go up and down to help them focus on breathing).
• Yoga
• A Relaxation Corner (perhaps every day after school, you and your child snuggle up on the couch and relax by talking or reading a book to reset after a long school day).
• Exercise (When we work out, we use up our anxious energy).
• Name emotions and their intensity level (Have your child name his feeling. Labeling feelings robs them of some of their power).

3. Point Out Your Child’s Stress Signs

Before a meltdown happens, there are signals, like clenched fists, headaches, butterflies in your stomach. If you notice your child’s fists are clenched, gently point it out, “I see your fists are clenched. Are you feeling a little anxious?” Talk to your child about clues your body can give you to show that you are feeling stressed to help her start to recognize those clues.

4. Release Emotions

Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg suggests releasing emotions by “Blanking it out”: dance it out, cry it out, laugh it out, draw it out, rap it out, write it out, sing it out, drum it out – the possibilities go on. Use that abundance of energy to do something productive. Once you are able to release your emotions, you can move on because you start to deal with your feelings.

It’s important if we want to help our anxious kids calm their anxiety for us to be calm as well. If we show that we can be calm when life seems overwhelming, they will learn to be calm as well. We also need to practice daily self-calming rituals and accept our work when it isn’t perfect. Be the calm, happy person you want your child to be.

Resources:

Borba, M. (2016). UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. New York, NY: Touchstone.

Ginsburg, K. (2015). Building resilience: Preparing children and adolescents to THRIVE. The Learning and the Brain Conference: Boston.

Minahan, J. (2015). Between a Rock and a Calm Place. The Learning and the Brain Conference: Boston.