This article is sponsored by takepart.com. The story and opinions shared here are strictly my own.
The story I’m about to share is hardly the worst case of bullying anyone has ever heard. But what happened to my sixth grade classmate that day in 1991 most definitely WAS bullying.
I wasn’t the bully. But I was definitely the coward.
I honestly don’t even remember the boy’s name who was being bullied. I’m sure that’s an intentional move by my subconscious to try to erase what happened from my mind. But thankfully, I still remember it. It is shameful to me, but also a reminder that has really stuck with me, and caused me to speak up when I see people treated with a lack of respect and kindness.
The boy in my class was from a poor family. He wore the same 3 shirts and the same pair of jeans, sometimes multiple days in a row. He often looked like he hadn’t had a bath in a few days. For those reasons, he was an easy target for bullies. Some of the boys in the class would frequently loudly exclaim that it wasn’t fair to have to sit near him because he smelled so bad. And on the day I was a total coward, someone had made fun of him, to his face, and in front of the entire class while the teacher was outside of the room, for being so poor. He response was this, “My family may be poor in money but we are rich in love.” Most of the kids laughed. I remember feeling really bad when I heard him say that. Like something inside of me said, “This is so wrong.” And then, very quietly, I started to laugh with the other kids so that I would fit in.
My parents raised me better than that. But I buckled under the pressure and did what I absolutely knew was wrong.
And I still regret that decision. But I know that I can take that regret and turn it into something much more positive. I am proud to say that I made much better decisions when faced with people being unkind to others in middle school and high school. Not saying I was perfect, but definitely much improved. I suppose flying in the face of what is truly right can mark you for life that way. I’m so glad I learned my lesson. And I’m so sad that it came at that boy’s expense.
photo credit: las – initially via photopin cc
I want my daughters to understand in the cores of their being the way that people should be treated: with love. And I don’t want them to have a story like mine as their “lesson learned.” It all starts with me, their parent, teaching them how to treat others, and being a role model for how to treat others. It also includes me teaching empathy and understanding, which are critical life skills and ones that will not only serve my daughters well, but will also be of value to the people with whom they interact throughout their lives.
So what can you do to help stop this epidemic of bullying that is ravaging our world? My greatest hope is that you will be the change you wish to see first and foremost. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Value respect in your own home, and teach your kids to be respectful of others.
But you can also make a difference in the next 2 minutes by signing the Take Part Pledge. By signing it, you are standing up for what is right and letting your voice be heard as one who is committed to making a positive change in our schools, and in our communities. Please take a moment to sign the petition below. And after you sign it, PLEASE take a few minutes to talk with your children about what you just did, and why it matters. That conversation could be transformative in their lives. I just had a talk with my daughter, and it pretty much blew me away. Even at 3 1/2, she is tuned in to when others feel left out, and I pray that she feels a conviction to show love and offer true friendship to those individuals. Sign now and then talk to your kids, please. You may be amazed by what they have to say.
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I was bullied and beat up in my first yr of high school. I gladly signed. No child should be ending their life because of being bullied.Makes me so angry!
Signed (proudly)
Im signing this FOR NO MORE BULLYING
Oh and yes, I did sign the pledge! Thanks again, Roz
I support this cause and am so glad to see some great causes going on among bloggers such as yourself! Thank you for increasing this awareness!
Roz
signed up to STOP bullying!
Im sighning this post for NO BULLYING :):)
I was bullied as a child and I signed the pledge!
Signed the pledge. I have a child that gets bullied at school so we talk about bullying all the time. He gets called names all the time and people throw stuff at him. He has been lately just ignoring the other kids and walking away. They still get after him but my son said it is not as bad as what it used to be.
I signed also, knowing what it feels like being bullied first hand. I also feel that bullying is a form of Terrorism.
Check out the documentary ‘Bully’ to see how poorly trained our professionals are. The school principle who insisted on the handshake in incredibly ill-prepared and flat out wrong.
I signed this petition. Soooo sad 🙁 Whenever I see ANYONE mistreating anyone, I try to put in my two cents when I can.
Such a sad world we live in that bullying continues, even with everything we know about it. I will not stand for bullying and have spoke up i the past and will in the future.
What a great campaign, I don’t like bullying
My daughter was bullied so badly in middle school she had a nervous breakdown on the playground…at the age of 10! The principal called me because my daughter freaked out on everyone, but the bully’s parents were not called. My daughter spent a year with a therapist and a year home schooled. She now is thriving in high school and has the distinction of being the only kid from that old class that got into the gifted program! So there, bullies, get your job from her someday! HA!
I was seriously bullied when I was in school – I am in my 40s, and it still impacts me today. More recently, my son was bullied in preschool by some older kids (crazy that it starts this young, but he was clearly targeted by the older boys over a period of time, so I cannot think of anything else to call it).
This campaign is important.
I signed the pledge and firmly believe in it. My daughter was bullied in her first grade class. The school was not interested in helping matters and even made things worse. I had to confront the parents myself to get this resolved. I was nervous but the parents were very understanding and worked with us to end this child’s bullying. It brought forward the problem plaguing the schools and the lack of help schools provide.
So glad to hear that you were able to work it out. You know, I would have assumed that the school would have been much more eager to help out since this problem has really been brought to light in the media. Just goes to show you should never assume!
I have already taken the pledge.
I was bullied pretty badly as a child, and honestly, knowing me, if it happened in this generation with people doing drastic things to end it, I wonder where I’d be.
I just hope my kids never are involved in that kind of thing. I will keep a close eye on them and raise hell if something ever happens on either side.
I am so sorry to hear this, Tamar. I’m so glad you made it to the other side of that time of life, and I’m so sorry you were picked on. It is our job as parents to help our kids understand just how bad their words can hurt others.
I witnessed some bullying in elementary school, and what stands out the most was a kid who was bullied for what I now know was most likely ADHD, or even Asperger’s. But in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and even mid-1990s, kids weren’t “special-needs”, or “developmentally delayed”, or “on the spectrum”. They were either good or bad, and that was that. I stood up for him because he sat next to me, and I worried that if he was a target, I’d be even more of a target — I didn’t have the “quirks” that he did, but I was overweight, and came from a poor family.
In middle school and high school, I brushed off bullying attempts by being very aggressive…but only when provoked. And in high school, I stood up for bullied kids that didn’t have the strength and endurance that I did. :/
Bullying can have so many far-reaching consequences, and it’s important that we as parents and as adults, and more importantly as members of society, do everything we can to teach awareness of bullying and ways to step in to stop it and prevent it.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I think you are right that many conditions that are pretty newly diagnosed likely existed when we were in middle school and high school, but weren’t known at the time.
my grandsons prek teacher called my daughter an told her there was a little girl in his class who was bullying him an another girl,,they said they would be watching her,,but I feel they should call the parent,can you image this kid is only 4 an already starting to be a bully! my grandson said she tried to push his face in his lunch tray filled with food,,im only going to give this teacher a bit of time to get this in order or im going to go up there an raise such a stink!can you imagine having your babys face pushed in a plate of food! he didnt say anything because he was afraid he would get in trouble for raising his hand in the lunch room,give me a break! the teachers arent in there they have a lunch room monitor,who doesnt appear to be doing so great a job,,yeah im one mad grandma!
Oh I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad you were informed and I hope the little girl’s parents were also informed so that they can work with her to get to the root issue.
Bullying is such a cruel sneak up on you and mess up your life tactic. I hope that my granddaughters have all learned that bullying is wrong and they all play well together. I was on of the bosy girls, not a bully but definitely not the prom queen, but I grew up military and learned at a early age how to be friends with about everyone.. I hope noone ever thought of me as a bully!
I was the target of a bully in middle school. She never did anything physical, just made comments about me being disgusting, made fun of my curly frizzy hair, etc. I mostly ignored her. One day I was working on a group project and one of my teammates was making really derogatory comments about the bully. I spoke up and made her stop.
By chance the bully found out about me standing up for her. She apologized to me for being mean and thanked me for sticking up for her despite what she had done. We never really became friends, but I certainly never saw her bully anyone else again.
Wow. What a powerful example you set! And I bet that girl (now woman) has never forgotten it! I think you changed her life that day. Way to go!
Aww, great post about a sad story. Great message about being the change you want to see and conveying these messages to kids.
Thanks for providing a place to share about this topic. My heart still hurts from the bullying I witnessed in grade school.
Yes, mine too. And while we can’t change the actions of others, we can certainly change our own actions and help our children to be more compassionate.
I remember so many days that I didn’t want to go to school. You were there I’m sure you saw some of it. Going to the 10 yr reunion I was sure NOONE would remember me and was so surprised when they did, and remembered me kindly. I remember the pain and the hiding from pp. You and Chris and a few others at Special Projects made me feel OK in elementary but it never got easier. I’m glad you remember that day with that boy (maybe Jackie???) and you know to teach your children to stand up. YOu were never cruel to me like some (who by the way were still cruel 10 yrs later) and I have always thought of you as a friend. You were one of the kindest souls through school and I think even that child knew you weren’t trying to hurt him.
Thanks so much for your comment, Viv. It wasn’t Jackie, it was a boy who I think moved right after 6th grade. I say this because I’ve even gone through the 7th grade yearbook trying to find him. He isn’t there.
Peer pressure is such a powerful thing, and I wish I had been better about avoiding it as a child. I know I did OK, especially after this incident, but I would like to have done better. Only through getting older and wiser have I realized how very little I care what other people think about me, and focus instead on what I think of me. I’m the one who has to live with my actions, after all! The people who were taunting that kid likely have long forgotten it. But to this day, I have to live with the knowledge of my choice. I made a big mistake.
And so, moving forward, I am SO dedicated to raising my girls to do better than I did, and to choose the side of love every time. I know that is probably a pipe dream, as again, peer pressure is quite a force, but I believe that by not taking the attitude of, “kids will be kids” and instead being more aware of what is going on at school and how my daughters are choosing to treat others I can help them do one better than I ever did.
I did not know until recently that my husband was bullied in junior high by one boy. He said he didn’t know why he picked on him and he didn’t say anything about it to me until bullying had really come to light.
Wow. I think that as it comes to the surface that this really is a HUGE problem, more and more stories like his are going to come out.
Partly because of T.O.M. (sorry tmi) and partly because there were several bullies in our elementary school, this made me teary eyed.
If it makes you feel any better about the incident, I’d say at least that child had enough self esteem to make that reply. I was one of the shy quiet kids (hence the easy target; no other reasons that I knew of) and I never spoke back. Took it all to heart.
Anyway, if he was strong enough to speak back, I think he most likely went unscarred. (Not that this makes anything right, just that I think he was probably not emotionally damaged by it)
Thank you so much for the post and for the pledge! Kudos to you! 🙂
I really hope you are right. He was certainly more mature than anyone else in the class that day. I hope he made it through this difficult time ok. And thank you for signing the pledge!
What a great campaign to take part in. Love and hugs, signed the pledge and tweeted this blog post.
Thank you so much!